QotD: Reflecting on September 11th

What are your personal memories of September 11th?

at the time my ex and i lived on the corner of mass ave and beacon street in boston.  i remember my friend lenna called me around 9:50 in the morning.  "hey ann. uhhh, you aren't planning a surprise visit are you?"  when i asked her why, the pitch in her voice changed.  "girl, have you been watching the news?"  "no."  "you need to turn the tv on right now."  "what channel?"  "doesn't matter it's on all of 'em."  after i turned the tv on it hit me why she asked.  earlier in the year lenna had helped me plan a surprise visit home to my family.  i was at the airport when an incident happened and part of logan airport was on lock down.  apparently, some guy had wandered into a restricted area but i dont' recall if they ever caught him, but my flight had been delayed.  anway, now all i kept hearing was news was that air traffic had been grounded all over the country and she probably thought i was on a plane home, or may have been planning another visit.

i was alone and had no idea what was happening.  i remember struggling to understand what all the images meant and once i heard that the pentagon had been hit, all the dots lined up when i made the connection.....we were under attack.  i remember calling my mom and telling her something bad was happening.  i was paniced and just wanted to be home with my family.  i remember the towers falling and my heart going numb, my stomach felt weightless.  all i could think about were the people, all the lives lost.  i remember putting my sneakers on and going up to the roof deck.   i just stood there and looked up at the sky.  normally you could see a plane flying overhead at any given moment, but not that day.  no one was walking over the mass ave bridge.  no cars.  no buses.  off in the distance, i didn't see the T running along the salt and pepper bridge.  it felt like everything had vanished and time stood still.  i felt alone in a ghost town with chirping birds for tumbleweed.  for hours, it was just quiet.  and for days, i was glued to the news.  i cried.  there wasn't anything i could do.  i was scared and i was angry.  what's next?  what do we do?  how could this happen?  everything changed.

the following summer we took a trip to nyc to meet my ex's newborn neice.  we talked about going to ground zero with his mom but nixed the idea at first.  it wasn't until we were out exploring the city that we decided to go.  as we got closer to the area, my eyes started to feel funny and by the time we reached the site, they were burning as if i had accidentally rubbed red pepper in my eyes.  it was so strange and i asked if anyone was experiencing the same thing.  no, it was just me.  i managed to look out at the empty spot where the towers had stood, and it was a painful sight.  so many lives.  gone.  the remaining buildings were covered with tarps like body bags for buildings.  i could still see people digging through the rubble.  i wanted to cry and i was screaming inside.  i said a prayer.  we didn't stay long--the sadness was too overwhelming and my eyes felt like they were on fire.  plus, it was uncomfortable seeing people smile and pose for pictures.  what was there to smile about?  i just couldn't find a reason.  not there, anyway.  it's been five years and that's what i remember.  at least now, when i'm not ticked off about the stupid things people do, i find more reasons to smile each and every day...